1 John 5:1-6, John 15:9-17
Yesterday Bronwen and I attended a funeral. We were there for our friend, Judy, who has just lost her mother. We remembered what a lovely person Judy’s mother was. And today we remember our mothers. They, too, were lovely people whom we recall with affection. We grew up in their care and they taught us many things but eventually we headed out on our own.
Our mothers insisted we behave in certain ways and if we ever questioned why we should do as they said they tended to give one of a few stock answers – “Because..” “Because I’m your mother.” “Mother knows what’s best.” “Because I love you.”
How this sounds like Jesus in our reading! Especially, “I’m telling you this because I love you.” Love and commands. They go together because love is not just a feeling. The love Jesus commands is about action and choice. It was in our best interest to obey Mum and it’s in our best interest to obey Jesus. Furthermore, we are motivated to carry out their wishes because we love them. Be it Mum or Jesus, love engenders obedience.
Think about a master giving orders to his servant. Does the servant happily obey? Not always; maybe not often depending on the way the servant is treated. Jesus says, “You are no longer my servants, you are my friends.” And the evidence we are his friends? He tells us what he’s about and he involves us in what he is doing.
But, like it was with Mum, we often don’t see it that way. We hear only the instruction and, though we know it’s for our good, we often don’t want to do it. Love – action and choice – requires us to be disciplined, and discipline is a pain, isn’t it? But there is another pain.
Discipline or Regret
Kelly Boggs, writing in the Baptist Press, says that “Every person must realise that he or she eventually will live with one of two pains: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret.” Discipline empowers a person to choose fulfilling choices over destructive options. The pain of regret arises from reviewing one’s actions and wishing one had made different choices.
“You will reap what you sow,” the Bible tells us. Plant the seeds of discipline in the garden of life and the weeds of regret will be sparse. However, neglect self-restraint and life’s garden will become overgrown with remorse.
Our news media frequently give considerable attention to people whose lives have been totally disrupted due to conscious choices they have made. Tiger Woods has to be one we’ve all heard of recently. One of the best golfers in the world wasn’t as good at keeping his marriage vows. He thought he was above all that. He applied discipline to his game but not to his morals.
Tiger is one of a number of high profile people whose lack of discipline in respect to their marriages prevented them from saying no to inappropriate and destructive choices. As a result they brought embarrassment upon themselves and their families and cost themselves millions of dollars along with their reputations. Many people – the famous and the obscure – have made the exact same choice only to experience the nagging pain of regret.
Our mothers taught us discipline – or at least they tried. Jesus wants us to apply discipline in our lives, but we often chafe at the decisions we know we should make.
What makes discipline hard?
It takes effort when we’d rather not. Humans tend to be hedonist by inclination.
We have to keep at it when other things are more attractive. We’re selfish.
What makes discipline easy?
It brings the satisfaction of achievement – a thing accomplished; fulfilment, a job well done, we enjoy the good results and commendation from our friend, Jesus.
Then there’s the future view – we avoid regret.
Principles
I have a small number of principles to share with you.
Number 1: Do it now. Later it will be so much harder. Finish the job.
For example, do the dishes straight after the meal. It’s easy to leave them when “there’s only a couple of things.” Same after lunch, and then after dinner there are other things to do. By suppertime the dirt is dry and hard and the job is five times more difficult and takes twice as long. I know because I am one who cannot stand getting up in the morning, going to make the breakfast and being confronted by the previous day’s dirty dishes. I hate that more than I dislike doing dishes at suppertime.
Do you have a garden? What do you do about weeds? I leave them until they’re big enough to pull but I try not to leave them until the garden is choked with them. Don’t go look at my garden – I’ve done two thirds of it. Dealing with the mail is another thing that gets me. If I miss a day there’s twice as much the next. Sometimes I’m quite happy if the postie doesn’t leave any. And I have a cunning system, that mostly works, to pay my bills on time.
Principle number 2: Do it right, the first time. There are some things we can’t redo. But we’re not to beat ourselves up if we’re not good at whatever it is. We’re allowed to do it less than brilliantly while we learn to do it right. Mum was gracious, giving us space to learn, and Jesus is always gracious.
I’d like to say that Principle 3 is that it gets easier the more we succeed. Like number two, this one is true but only to a certain degree. When I think of exercise, for example, I find that I can get into a routine and enjoy the rewards of my diligence but after a few days it gets harder to fit it in and I fall off the wagon. Whatever we are doing, discipline is always required and will always require a degree of effort because that is its nature.
None of these examples sounds very spiritual but it’s because we have to apply discipline in every area of life (and it’s all spiritual anyway). The thing is to apply discipline in everything – no exceptions. I’d like to say, be disciplined in the small things and the big ones will take care of themselves but Tiger and the others in their remorse tell us otherwise. Nor can we say, take care of the big things and the little ones you’ll take in your stride.
In the end I have to say, just do it, because it’s worth it. Remember, we must all suffer from one of two pains: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret. “The difference,” observed entrepreneur and motivational speaker Jim Rohn, “is discipline weighs ounces while regret weighs tons.”
A little earlier than the passage we read, John records that Jesus said, “This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.” With the exception of those who are in the armed forces, police, or emergency services, most of us are not great on being commanded. In fact, many of us bristle when someone issues a command. But there are times when commands and obeying them are a good idea. For example at a school patrol or when a policeman is on point duty. In such situations it is best to obey for everyone’s safety.
Just as there are good reasons to obey the road signs and the police, there are good reasons to obey Jesus’ command to love. It will help us all to live together in ways that are pleasing to us and pleasing to God.
Take a moment to consider Jesus’ commandment and whether we’re inclined to obey. Bear in mind that he prefaced the commandment with this: “I have said these things to you so that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be complete.”
Mother really did know best.