A sermon on reconciliation based on Matthew 18:15-20.
In The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, Douglas Adams places his story ‘nearly two thousand years after one man had been nailed to a tree for saying how great it would be to be nice to people for a change’. This is, of course, a gross understatement of Jesus’ mission. However, how close is this to the practical focus of God’s revelation? Of the many theological issues that we spend time discussing, the one thing that is constant in the gospel is God’s love and what this means to people.
Paul makes it clear in Romans 13 that love is the most important practical application of the gospel. Recall the Great Commission to love God and to love our neighbour as we love ourselves. God has shown love to us and we should show love to one another and back toward God. Love quite literally makes the world go round. Love is at the heart of the Law (verse 10), at the heart of how God has always wanted his people to live. An attitude of love and service towards others undergirds all practical actions – and Paul gives some examples.
One example of what love means in practice is explained by Jesus in Matthew 18. The process and order of things is important when issues of judgement are involved. Two people who are in disagreement should try to sort things out on their own before letting anyone else know. If that doesn’t bring reconciliation, they should take along someone else and try again. If that doesn’t bring reconciliation then they need to report it to the wider group of Jesus’ believers.
Churches are human communities that struggle to be faithful and that work hard to embody the reign of God as Christ did. But let’s face it: conflict is inevitable. More often than not, we deal with it badly. Matthew’s gospel opens the door for us to explore some rules for “fighting well” in a congregation, workplace, family, or wherever it happens, although the chances are that practices of dealing with conflict that you have experienced will differ from what Matthew recommends.
First of all, talk to the person you’re having the conflict with, not everyone else, and do it privately. When you talk to the person, have as your goal the peace of Christ. Reconciliation is the only worthy goal—not winning your point or holding on to your moral high ground. In our best moments, we choose to do those things that build up the community rather than tear it down. Complaining publicly about the other person will draw others into the conflict and pull the community down. When you are willing to look beyond your own position to a place of wholeness and healing, and you try to reconcile and make new, you are living the faith that we all profess.
Verse 19 should also be seen as part of this process. When the two meet initially, we should remember that God is there with them. When God is brought into the centre of any dispute between Christians, there should only be one outcome. Love should be the overriding factor. We will get things wrong, we will sin, and we will sin against others, but the beauty of the gospel is that we can be forgiven and be enabled to offer forgiveness. Younger members of our church family need to learn this and see it in action. This will make our community of believers appealing to an outside world where anger over personal rights, legal disputes and demands for compensation are the norm.
Getting on with others is demanding, as we all know. Even these processes of Jesus’ can be hard to implement and there are times when we may vary the process. When I am the cause of the problem I need to go straight to the other and ask forgiveness. If I don’t, the other person needs to use Jesus’ proces and come to me seeking reconcilitation. In fact, asking forgiveness is a good approach for either side.
Sometimes the other person does not want to accept any offer of making peace. Sometimes the other person is so antagonistic that you can’t go on your own. I believe there are times to go straight to step 2.
You have been involved in dispute resolution and you have observed others. Have you seen Jesus’ process followed? Not followed? What are the effects of each?
How does Jesus relate? Lovingly with compassion and grace. Since Jesus is always present when his people are together, we can relate to one another his way. If we can do that, then we will have little need for the resolution process. But when someone behaves selfishly we can steer away from conflict by being gentle and kind (Jesus-like). The proverb tells us that a gentle answer turns anger away. Rather than escalate the problem we can calm things down by showing compassion and kindness. This is more powerful than we usually think it is. And even if we don’t see any impact from our kindness on the other person we know it is good for us who do it.
I’ve been reading, “Why kindness is good for you” by David Hamilton. Not only does this book show that kindness is good for people it details the physiological responses in our bodies that are so beneficial.
When it comes to health benefits love trumps diet and exercise. The effect of practicing kindness, gratitude, gentleness and compassion is to lessen the incidence of situations requiring the Matthew 18 process and make life and relationships so much better.